An Update on What's Been Goin' On

It has been a while since I’ve had time to write here, and for that I’m sorry because there have been a number of things I wanted to write about and share. Unfortunately, other things took priority for me (some important like health, but others less so), but I’m mostly sorry because you all are part of the community we are called to maintain connection with, who I thought of regularly at various events and experiences but did not follow through in sharing with you and listening to your thoughts.  So the following will take you through a few events that have happened over the past few months, connected with the song that Rachel and I agreed was central to what we wanted to do with this work. 

First, let’s talk about a conference we got to attend at the end of 2018.  Called “Evolving Faith,” it was interesting to go and be kinda the outsider.  My faith has definitely evolved and is still evolving, but here the vast majority of participants and speakers were moving from a conservative evangelical place to some other form of faith, and many were still very much in the middle of a move, or even just trying to figure out if they could move.  Meanwhile this was occurring at Montreat, which a friend of mine once called “As close to heaven for Presbyterians as you can get on earth.”  This place where a certain denominational faith was often reinforced in bringing together like minded people from across the country, was now a place where 1500 searchers, seekers, wanderers, and outsiders sought to find their tribe and their people.  This was very interesting to watch, as many felt like outsiders in their own churches, but it was clear they would not be likely to come to my Presbyterian church if we lived in the same town.  Yet, here they were, many trying to figure out how to maintain relationships with those in a place they were no longer connected to, while also trying to form new connections with those who shared similar experience.

These days my waves get lost in the oceans
Seven billion swimmers, man I'm going through the motions
Sent up a flare, I need love and devotion
Traded for some faces that I never know, notion
Maybe I should try to find the old me
Take me to the places and the people that know me
Tryin' to disconnect, thinking maybe you could show me
If there's so many people here, then why am I so lonely?

These lyrics from the OneRepublic song “Connection” point to a lot of what I felt in this time and place.  People looking for love and devotion, looking to escape their loneliness, recognizing they were no longer recognized by those who were part of their development, but also wondering if they could truly be who they now were, or if they should try to be what they were expected to be.  Yet, as they tried to disconnect and also maintain connections, they found themselves still lonely. 

I think it is interesting to consider how we seek those of like minds first and foremost, be it in life experience or in tradition.  In both these cases, it has been my experience that in doing this I quickly find myself lost in the crowd and feeling less than whole, and thus quite lonely even if those around me accept me “as I am.”  It is the search for love and devotion in a world of us vs them, that keeps us from being able to evolve fully because at some point we will just begin to go through the motions and try again to reconnect to the feelings we get when we first felt known by others. 

So, come January we had the opportunity to attend and lead workshops at the College Conference at Montreat, where 1000 students came together to discuss what it meant to be “Compassionate Community” for one another.  The challenge presented here was a bit of the opposite of the previous conference.  There the focus was on finding one’s tribe, here it was about inviting, welcoming others into your life and then how to work with those who were less connected to ourselves via tradition or location (particularly within faith traditions).  As we led workshops on Compassionate Communication, we heard stories of those who struggled not only with being part of others communities, but also with how we become open and affirming of all in the midst of disagreements.  The balance was a real struggle for many, and they were seeking tools and skills to help them navigate.

Real friends, good friends, hard to find, let's face it
Find the perfect tone and there's a flood in the basement
Made a couple dollars now and I ain't tryin' to chase it
Kids from Oklahoma, man we don't waste it
I'm just tryin' to paint the picture for me
Something I could give a damn about at maybe 40
Years and I be ready and willing and able to edit the story
'Cause there's so many people here to be so damn lonely

The dialogue matched much of the second verse of “Connection.”  People recognized how both as individuals and as communities we were good at being together in tone until there was a crisis or a disagreement and then how easy it was to divide and not stay connected.  Yet in many cases it wasn’t so easy to just let go of connections, the things that brought people together were often too important to just let these disagreements divide us.  The values and stories that these young adults were living were of great value and so were the relationships that they were built alongside. So, the question becomes how do we communicate and discern together towards common goals while being open to being changed and more fully known?

Once we returned from all our travels and made it through the Advent and Christmas seasons, we sat down to work on the next things for our ministries here at the church and what was important to us (and we may still give a damn about in 40 years). What we came to were a number of big questions which all kept pointing us back to creating connections of various levels and styles.  For some relationships are meant to be only for a time or to serve only limited purposes, while others are meant to have many different themes over the years.  As I’ve continued to talk with people about these things, it’s become clear that we have allowed divisions to define our relationships, but in general those who have lived mostly in this paradigm refuse to accept this as the way things have to be.  It is up to us to become vunerable in our relationships, to risk rejection and to deal with those who would seek to lessen our value. Yet, it is also important that we seek out and walk alongside those who are struggling to shake that painful dust off their feet.

Right now, right now, I'm switching to a new lane
Foot to the floor, man searching for the real thing
Meet somebody else, sometimes ain't no shame
Head to the clouds sayin'

We both have to be those who continually seek answers, but also those willing to risk what we know to discover the truth of others and to even have our own changed, all in hopes that we can get a connection.  For it is the connection of community that makes us fully human, and our relational nature that needs to be fed to feel whole.

Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
I can see it in my, see it in my reflection
Oh, can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?