The Ravages of "Time"

My friend Rachel has just posted a blog post entitled I’m Done Waiting on You and in it I’m referenced as “dear friend and coworker.”  She invited me to write my own response to our discussion she mentions.  It’s interesting to listen to someone talk about how they see their past chronologically, because you’ve only known them for a short part of that time, and what they remember is often just stories for you.  I came into Rachel’s story about 2 years ago and these discussions are a (somewhat) regular occurrence for us.  To talk about life and particularly the feelings we have towards God and/or others in relation to a moment in life. 

A moment in life, this really is what life is all about.  It’s not about finding the path to some goal, but about finding ways to be in the moment.  This is what I remember most about our discussion that day: I kept referencing a selfie Rachel had taken of herself a couple of days earlier.  It was of her on the walking loop by her apartment after getting caught in a quick rain storm.  It was everything that one would want in a picture.  Her smile told of pure peace and joy, and she was glowing all over.  It was a moment in time in between searching for what is not yet and reflecting on what has been.  It is these moments where time really exists.

Time, Karios time, the proper and opportune time for something to happen, is something that’s hard for us to understand.  We mark life by moves, by relationships, by holidays, by vacations, and we treat each of these as if they are on a path to somewhere. Yet, they are not because we willed them into existence, but because we have allowed the moment to exist as it is and we have joined in it.  This changes not only how we see time and events, but our understanding of God as well.

God in chronological time is always setting up the next thing.  If I do this, then God can do that, and once God does that, then I can do this.  This is a problem because what happens when you’ve done the “right” things and what you expect to occur isn’t happening?  You have no choice but to blame God, or worse yet, blame yourself.  We have built a whole religious complex out of this kind of shame, telling people that they just need to do more, do it better, do it right.  A God who works in chronological time is a God who is in control, and if we feel out of control, it’s our own fault.  This is a problem because God works in Karios time and we see it from the very beginning. 

The creation account in Genesis may be poetic, but it also is a theological statement on the meaning of time.  God’s actions are because of a response to what God sees.  The acts are not set up with a final design in mind, but to do what is needed as it appears.  This is a God who exists in the moment.  God who is ready for us to be angry when the chronological plan doesn’t come together.  God who reminds us to be who we are, to be in that moment, to not feel shame but to seek fullness of self. 

That walk with Rachel was a moment, a moment when various other moments informed my words.  A moment when we were able to be vulnerable with each other and with God.  The anger she felt was honest, and I believe fully that God was as angry as we were.  Because there were moments she felt were missing, ones that were more than desires but wholly pieces of herself which were missing. 

This is the difficulty of living a life with a narrative that goes chronologically, it’s a life where shame controls and hurts fester all the while God is wanting us to feel whole in body, spirit, mind, soul, and relationships.  Our best relationships aren’t always the dating kind, but when you feel yourself falling behind in life, we quickly wonder what is wrong with us, why we don’t get what we are searching for, and we are left with no choice but to blame self or blame God.

Yet, faith pushes us to see the world differently.  Not a life where we are waiting, or working towards something, but a life where we can be fully ourselves, even when a piece feels missing.  This life requires us to live constantly in Karios time, to see each opportunity and each moment as special, not because of where it may lead but because of where we are.  This is the story of two walks Rachel took with me, one to talk about how done she is with waiting, and one where she found herself whole in a moment even though things still weren’t as desired or expected.  Wherever and whenever you are Mr Rev Rachy, she’s right, you’re missing out. May your moment come when it is time.

It really isn’t that simple, but it is.

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